Last year, a guy named Dave Carroll flew United Airlines.
They broke his guitar, and wouldn’t pay for it. So, he wrote a song about it, posted it on YouTube and it became a sensation. Because of all the negative publicity, United ended up paying for a new guitar. (You can see the original video here, and an update one here).
Last week, I had the opportunity to fly United for the first time ever. And they kinda sucked.
I’m not creative enough to write a song about it (no musical talent here whatsoever), so I thought a blog post would have to do.
We were leaving Ottawa to fly to Denver. It was supposed to be a four-hour flight, but we were flying into the wind, slowing us down and delaying us for a bit.
I don’t blame United for that, but it didn’t help with everything else that was about to happen.
Here’s everything that went wrong on that flight.
The bathrooms. We take off, and about 30 minutes into the air, we’re told that one of the two bathrooms isn’t working. Thirty minutes after that, we’re told there are problems with the other bathroom and it doesn’t flush. We’re only to use it if we really need to go.
About an hour later, we’re told for sanitary reasons, all the bathrooms were now off-limits. They blamed the Ottawa ground crew for not emptying the toilets, but I’m not sure if I believed that.
So we’re not even halfway through the flights, and no one can go relieve themselves. Not a great way to spend some time in a cramped aircraft at 35,000 feet.
And trust me, I don’t know who it was, but someone had to go near the end of the flight, or actually did go in their pants. The smell was brutal.
Snacks. There was no food on this flight. Normally, on a four-hour plus flight, you get either snacks (such as a small bag of chips), or an option to buy food at ridiculous prices. We didn’t have either. I asked the flight attendant if they had anything at all, and he managed to find one piece of fruit candy, where the main ingredient was dates.
But dates gave a tendency to make you have to go to the bathroom. But again, the bathrooms were closed. So I put the candy in my pocket instead of eating it.
Entertainment. The only online flight entertainment we had was one of the flight attendants, who decided he was a stand-up comedian. He would constantly go on the mike and tell jokes. Which made it a little annoying for those of us who brought headphones to listen to music.
But there were no TV sets in the headrests to watch movies or TV shows. There were no screens coming out of the ceiling so we could all watch the same thing.
Overall: So the bathrooms didn’t work, there was no food and no entertainment.
Great job United! You somehow made Air Canada look like the greatest airline ever.