I’m a sweathog!

After weeks of tough negotiations, the contract was finally signed on Thursday.

No word on if Vinnie Barbarino is on the team.

No word on if Vinnie Barbarino is on the team.

I am officially a sweathog.

Yes, I know I am breaking the story before the news conference is called, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

After a couple of years of being a free agent on the ball hockey scene, I had to weigh my options carefully. For a while, it looked like I was going to retire, but then I changed my mind after my Pokerstars deal fell through.

Asked to play awe-inspiring defence (ie- don’t suck), I had to do some more research on the Sweathogs to make sure they were the right fit. The conversation went something like this:

Matt (the team’s general manager): Tom, I have a ball hockey team, and we need some help. We’re wondering if ….

Me: I’m in.

Matt: … you might know someone who would store all the stinky goalie equipment.

From there, the conversation went into my skills.

Matt: Do you have a decent slapshot?

Im hoping shes one of my teammates.

I'm hoping she's one of my teammates.

Me: No.

Matt: What about a wrister?

Me: Sorry.

Matt: Are you able to pass the ball?

Me: As long as the other team isn’t on the court.

Matt: How about on defence? Do you block shots?

Me: Only if they hit me accidentally. I’m too busy moving out of the way of the shot to know if I blocked it or not. Those things hurt.

Matt: Okay. We could use a guy who can play deep deep left field.

Me: Aren’t we talking about ball hockey?

Matt:  Yes, but it’s a new way to play. You stay out in left field, and we’ll call you when we need you.

Of course, eventually Matt came around to the fact I could be a big help to the team.

What I heard: We need you. We can’t do it without you.

What Matt actually said: Okay, because of injuries, we’re down to five guys, including the goalie. We need one more to be able to submit a roster. All you need to do is be on the floor, and not even move. Just stay out of the way, and we’ll do the rest.

So that’s it. That’s how I came to be a Sweathog.

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1 Comment

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One response to “I’m a sweathog!

  1. M@

    Hahahaha, when I asked you what type of d-man you were, you said, “Stay-at-home” defenceman. I didn’t think that meant you could help our team by staying at home on Sunday nights….

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